I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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