It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
