I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
