Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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