ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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