Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
