you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize