It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
