he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
