You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
