she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Randomize
