When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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