Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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