You're so nebulous sometimes
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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