pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
wat bout pragnant strippers??
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
