My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
