Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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