u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
