Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
