you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
