he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize