Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
