New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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