I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
