She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
