the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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