I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Welp...herpes.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
