ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I can text with my tongue
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
