I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
