if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
