bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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