Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
