I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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