Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
