sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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