Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
