i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
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