fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
