its not stalking. its research.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
