my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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