The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
