Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
