Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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