I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
