he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
