TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Randomize
