You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Randomize
