based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Randomize
