The best revenge is premature balding
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
