you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
