I showed him my bush... on skype.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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