we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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