So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
