just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
