yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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