operation harelip BJ is a go
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sober January is a disaster.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
