I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
