all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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