I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
