Duck Duck Cougar?
i would punch a child for taco bell
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
