Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i dont even know how to be here
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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