i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
