Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
