Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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