i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
