there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
this will be a night to untag.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
