How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
