I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
