I think my vagina is haunted
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
