This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
