This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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