how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
