This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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