The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Help. Why am I so naked?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
