I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
