I hope mine doesn't look like that
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
