we made out on top of his cat.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
